Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. ~ Brene Brown
So last post I spoke about criticism and how I move past those negative self talk conversations. Now I know many of us are fighters and have a strong sense of kindness. We are genuine and work hard and not only do we want the best for others but we want the best for ourselves. So here lies the problem. How do we do that? I mean what energy are we creating when we are feeling flat?
“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama.
In the past few years, I have really focused on my social awareness and my self awareness. I honestly can remember a time when I felt a complete sense of self awareness and I was genuinely happy. I felt confident in my character and my goals. I was first faced with honest criticism when I was in an intense coaching program 18 years ago. We had to do an exercise designed to stimulate emotions and then learn how to process them. The exercise was on feedback. I may have spoken about this before, I just think it was interesting enough to bring it as an example again.
A story for reference
We were told that the room had an estimating percentage range from 0 at the back to 100% in the front of the class, and with a person from the group sitting in a chair facing the open space, we were to line up our chairs rating our thoughts on our current relationship with the person in the front.
When it was my turn, I had a range of people positioned from 25%, 40%, 60% and 80/90%. Now my job was to say only two words. Thank-you
Each person would then say why they chose that percentage. Before they spoke, I was assuming their why’s before they told me. I thought that the person at the back picked a low percentage because she didn’t really know me yet.
However, I was very wrong.
She said, “I find you very superficial. I think you are a hypocrite claiming to be thoughtful and in fact you have no clue. You smoke and stink, and have no self awareness. I will never be friends with you.” my response?
Thank you
I kept it together until I left that day. It really wasn’t until I was on my own again later in life, that I actually understood what she meant. It was the deliverance that stung. Why did it sting? Why did her opinion matter? It was just that, one opinion.
After college, I went through a period of sadness and uncertainty. My heart wanted something and my head was telling me to do something else. I felt high expectations on myself and realized that my dream was someone else’s and that I had some real growing to do. I tell my boys every time they tell me how they are feeling that self awareness is a huge step and that if I had what I know now at 17, I would be laughing. My one son says, “ya self aware sure, but the controlling it, the thoughts, the thinking, the frustrations. It’s so hard!”
The gap between joy and obligation
is frustration ~ author unknown
Realization
Bring back to the forefront what is important to you.
The biggest thing is to recognize that you are allowed to feel down. Over these last few years I have moved forward in ways I never thought possible. The past does get triggered from time to time leaving me feeling anxiety and doubt and when that happens, I wonder if showing up is enough.
Our lives are bumpy and it is up to us to find balance. I find myself in the imposter syndrome and procrastination phase at times, still. The best thing though, is that I have gone through the emotion, felt it, processed it, and come out on the other side. You can too. It is important for us to realize that we are all individuals that have different opinions and handle scenarios different ways. There are many strategies out there. Find the ones that work for you. In order to show up every day, one needs to have purpose. We all have purpose, ALWAYS!
Do one thing you love every day and one thing new.
These are a few ways I handle situations. every time I practice, it gets easier. I am making a point every day to do at least one thing I know makes me happy, and even though it is a work in progress, I try to learn something new everyday and depending on my mood will depend on the task I take on.
Always take time to process before reacting to stressful situations
This does take practice I find. In that moment, our fight and flight instincts kick in and we may get defensive. Try and stop yourself and respond with a paraphrase. Give yourself a moment to think and stay calm. Give yourself permission to feel.
Call your best friend or someone you trust
I had an eating disorder for years. I was constantly putting up a front so that my feelings were not seen, but that’s hard especially when a release has to happen somehow. As I learned about my emotions and feelings, I learned strategies to cope. One I use OFTEN, is calling my bestie. They are not emotionally invested and can offer the support you need without feeling judged.
Get out and moving
I know that walking with my moms dog Molly brings me joy. She is so cute and silly and is always happy and full of kisses. The fresh air clears my mind and the exercise releases the endorphins I need to get focused. Great way to process. I even talk to myself sorting through thinking and asking myself questions.
Journaling
I blog now for journal, but I still do write in an open lined book when I really need to sort through thoughts.
Give yourself permission, cry, laugh, scream
I said above we need to give ourselves permission to feel. Feelings are important and having them and identifying them is a great way to let go of those hurting emotions.
Take time for yourself, and remember your dreams.
I have taken a day off work here and there just to catch up. A nap, office day in my pajamas, bake day, or to just practice breathing. To breathe is one thing, to breathe with purpose and benefit is another.
Make a list
When I feel overwhelmed and forget my purpose because I am so scatter brained at that moment, I tend to make lists. This does help me process my tasks. Then I make time for the easiest ones first and schedule time for the hardest ones second. Now I feel productive which brings the happy endorphins to my brain. hahaha
What have we learned?
I know that showing up when we feel sad is not easy. I also know that when we do not have happiness, motivating ourselves to get up and go or putting one foot forward can be a challenge. I know that it is important for us to have failure in order to grow. I think I read and heard a saying, fail forward. I believe in a speech I heard on YouTube, click -} Denzel Washington to hear speech. It is the pain that we persevere through to the other side that makes us strong. Do not settle for anything less than what makes you happy, and cut yourself some slack. You are on this earth for a reason and positive thinking brings positive energy.
Always try and never give up and remember to have courage and be kind. Love ya all!
Please leave a comment and follow me or subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss out on any new revelations. ;0
