Hi Guys! I want to be honest with you. I have been testy. I mean my mood. While trying to remain positive, I have found myself mentally trying, however not feeling very productive. There is always positive information out there on the Internet that I can tap into.
It is nice however, to read real authentic and honest information on other blogs and articles. About how the truth, meaning, their feelings and thoughts, and how those thoughts and feelings actually affect them in real life. Very inspirational some of them.
During this Pandemic, which of course is on many of our minds, I am really trying to see how this is forcing me to think outside the box. 
For example,
Here’s 3 easy ways I wasted time.
1. Maybe have a shower, coffee/tea, half-dressed or clean pajama’s, thinking about bills, chores, kids, lack of work and lack of motivation to work, myself, all while talking to friends on social media.
2. Think about what I need to do while staring out my window, emptying a box of collected items without a home and it taking me 3 hours to figure out where and what to do with one box of many and everything in it. Mostly because distraction takes over.
3. Stand in kitchen, leaning against the sink/counter thinking about what to make for dinner, while listening to the news and then getting distracted by the news. Maybe email a couple of people and try phoning the bank, again, and still not being decisive on what to make for dinner. It is now 8 o’clock and you settle on hamburger and fries.
Then come the questions. 
Like OMG! Why do I have this guilty feeling as time just clicks away? What do you need from the outcome? What is it you want to do right now and why is it so important? Why do I need an excuse to relax? Why do I need to show I have done something? What am I afraid of? What do I have control over? What is holding me back? Why do I feel flat and unproductive? Why does all of this seem so hard for me and not for other people?
Aha… other people? I’m thinking life for other people right now is just as challenging. I created the situation so it’s up me to get out of it. Here I came up with some ideas.
What do you need from the outcome? 
I believe that I have a garden I am trying to finish in order to have vegetables
and yet I haven’t finished it because I need compost
and mine isn’t ready
and I don’t want to go out because of social distancing right now
and the weather took a turn and my seedlings got all wimpy because I thought I was supposed to adapt them to outside, but it was probably too early and I probably left them too long…. Urg!! Ahhh!
What is it you want to do right now and why is it so important?
Right now I really just want to focus on my blog, my website, learning it, learning how to connect with people online.
I want to stay in my office with a small exception of sometime outside time for fresh air. Walk Molly or spend time in the garden. It’s important because the dog needs to walk, and in order to have the vegetables, we need the garden.
For me mentally, I want to remain calm. It is important because I truly am very lucky and very thankful for not only where I live but who I live with. I know that there is enough stress in the world, my community, myself. It’s important to have belief that we (I) will get through these tough times.
Why do I need an excuse to relax?
I don’t.
I keep thinking because I am the adult in the home and my mom, however, the one adult working and has the ability to do most of the jobs. So I must do them. No one else is going to. Unless I of course hire someone.
Why do I need to show I have done something?
I think because I am single, I don’t want to take advantage of others. I feel proud and don’t want to show my failures. I made the decision to leave my marriage and I guess, I think I need to prove something. Brings another question. Am I trying to prove something to someone or myself?
What am I afraid of?
Whoa that’s a loaded question. I may need to save that for another post.
I am a perfectionist and do not want to fail. Acceptance of not being perfect has been the utmost of importance of my journey to growth mindset and confidence.
What do I have control over?
Myself. And although I know this, reacting to the thoughts that get triggered are what I am trying to gain the most control over. That’s what I find challenging. Changing the thoughts, so I don’t react in a destructive manner. Self-sabotage is a bitch. 
What is holding me back? 3 things I for sure am doing?
Myself.
And again brings me to the how do I snap out of this mind-funk?
1. I have been trying really hard to follow the law of attraction steps. In a nutshell, you manifest what you believe. You must trust. click here to view my post on trust. You must try. You accept what you have no control over. I decided to accept what is currently happening in my life and take control of what I can.
Like for example, myself and my surroundings.
2. I am allowing myself time and compassion because I have worked hard.
3. As long as I challenge myself every day and do at least, one thing every day. Keep moving forward. I am learning to keep trusting myself, that I can do this, that I can be myself and face the challenges of life to the best of my capability. I do have something to offer people I connect with and therefore, I know I am worthy.
Wasting time is a mindset. If you are laying on the couch and enjoying it, while maintaining social connections, then really how is it wasting time? You are relaxing, you are clearing your head, getting the much needed rest you need.
I know I deserve to just be for a little while. And that’s OK. So do you!
So in the end, I am going to start a routine every day to get those brain chemicals pumping and get my authentic positive self-back.
I also allow myself to have a mind-funk because it allows me to purge the negativity when it arrives.
Thanks for listening or reading. Remember to follow me on Instagram so you can catch a video or snapshot of a moment in my day. Like and follow my Facebook page and check me out on Twitter. In the meantime, stay real, stay positive and let’s keep going. Chow for now 🙂
Hey P.S. If you read this far, remember I said I might do something with under the deck? Well I did and here is a sneak preview. Check out the other photos and short video on Instagram. before 
after 
