Well, the negative thoughts just keep creeping in. You were doing just fine, when all of a sudden a thought popped into your mind and it changed everything. Has this ever happened to you?
so the other day I was working in my yard. mowing the lawn, weeding, moving crap around and trying to generally just clean up. I was enjoying the sun and my time puttering. I was feeling grateful and content. Time was ticking by, all is good, when suddenly my son looks over to the yard from the deck and innocently asks, ‘are we having dinner tonight?’
OK, seriously that was simply, a question. I am the mom, correct? I am the one who has been cooking and has been making the meals so, the question definitely is not unfounded.
but…..BUT…..I had a reaction that I did not understand at first.
My first response was, I don’t know!
Then is stemmed into, I haven’t thought of anything,
then you guys could think of something,
then you guys don’t ever cook,
then you are so picky,
then its my summer too,
then Urg, I hate making food, I hate making food for you guys because its so hard, I don’t want to make dinner, so what a pain, to I hate this,
to
finally making dinner in a grumpy negative way.
So, how did this work out for me?
Well, honestly it did not bother my boys. They did not have the negative thoughts. They just asked me a question. Everything else was within my control. I mean, they were my thoughts. No one else thought them so no one else can change my negativity, but myself.
In the moment I was thinking shit, now I have to stop enjoying myself and go do somethnig less appealling. Yet, just because I did not want to stop, doesn’t mean that I could not change the idea of making dinner into a more postive experience.
So why then, did I have such a hard time moving into a positive thought from a negative one and how can I make that go easier next time?
By the way, there is no quick fix to negative thinking, there is however, a way to start turning it around so that you can control the way those negative thoughts make you feel.
WHATTODO
In order to really look at the situation, you need to step back and see these thoughts. Actually think about them as just that, thoughts.
What is for dinner? was the question. I didn’t want to make dinner, was the thought.
I learned that there are 2 ways to think about this.
Cognitive fusion and cognitive diffusion. When we have that first initial thought, oh they want dinner, I don’t want to make it, I created a negative. I don’t want to. This is called cognitive fusion as it is a fused thought. If we believe them and play into these thoughts then we start to follow them because we believe them to be reality. When we believe the negative thought to be true, we are fused in that thought and therefore create a continuous way of thinking negative thoughts.
Now if I take the time to hear the question as a just a question, “what’s for dinner?, then I can step back and defuse the language, making it more within my control.
It is just a question and it is OK to have negative thoughts. I do not think we wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t as that is our way of being. Fight or Flight and our brains are made to look out for danger and solve our problems so with that comes negative thoughts.
Now there are other ways we bring on negative thought. The common ones the head my direction are both,
Worry and self sabotage
Worry!
I am so prone to this. I find that I do not trust myself and fear judgement by whomever, just judgement. I think, can I really handle this? or what if?…. what if I spend to much money on the project, what if I can’t get to work, what if my son cannot find a job? what if i loose my job?
And of course the self sabotage
lets not forget the self sabotage. I find myself slipping into that negative thought pattern again when my confidence is low and I am tired. I start to thinking about what ever I might be lacking in my life and the whole doom and gloom. I tend to downplay my successes and constantly criticize myself.
Being so critical of yourself is not helpful in the growth mindset world.
- Watch your thoughts,
- Replace negative thoughts with more realistic ones
- Remember what you’d tell your friend
- Confidence comes from within not from outside
The big takeaway here is to not get caught up in a wasted emotion like guilt and regretting decisions you have made or want to make. Wasting time on past mistakes isn’t going to get you where you want to go any faster. Stop waiting for the tsunami to hit.
If you would like to read more about this topic, please feel free to leave me a comment below and I will either answer your questions or write more examples on the topic. Remember to like and follow me on Facebook and like and subscribe to my blog. Look forward to hearing from you.
In the meantime, stay real, stay positive and show up.
