Hi guys, another week, and I think I have come to a new stage. When I started this blog in January, I wasn’t sure how vulnerable I wanted to be. How did I want to come across? How do I want to resonate with you all, my readers.
As I go through this journey
I realized that I have already made mistakes, already felt some worry about failure, fear about if I made the right decisions. 
I first started to think about personal growth when I recovered from the eating disorder Bulimia in 2004. That is a separate story however, the learning during that time of my life, the journey, the self-awareness, has helped me with continued growth. We all have life events that happen. Sometimes it’s happy, sometimes scary, and sometimes sad.
17 years ago I attended an intense 2 month program that explored our mental life skills, the thought process and how to view from outside the box. It was another aha moment for me which allowed me to be open to a new path to follow for happiness and strength. 
The 2 biggest things I took from the course was,
Others opinions are just that, others opinions.
I may need to take another look at myself and how do I find my authentic self.
This brings me to this week’s post. I last spoke about how I do not have a decent relationship with time. I schedule however, I still struggle sticking to the damn plan!
So, as I need to start my exploration of Dilatory, (procrastination) I want to have some direction. I have been listening to many podcasts recently and reading old books and other information obtained over the years. I have a binder full of insightful information usually detained from Gordon Neufeld or Gabor Mate (whom I saw in person by the way) and handed to me over the years.
So what the heck! Where am I? Why am I feeling the way I do?
I decided to explore personal growth a little more before tackling the time relationship problem.
Personal growth is many stages however summed up, it is really 3 stages.
First stage: Exploration. 
The aha moments, the inspirational moments. Man I have been in this stage I think all the time. It feels exciting and I want to stay here. When I am consuming information I am gaining so much self-awareness and I stay here because I don’t really want to put myself out there and be vulnerable. Brains are resistant to change. I mean I am not a scientist or psychologist or brain expert. I have read and learned and experienced the science though.
Brains are wired the same over thought.
We think things over and over and until we are willing to push down what’s in front of us to create a new path, therefore we won’t be implementing change. Especially if it feels uncomfortable. Hence, why we stay in discovery.
Second stage: Practice ~ consistency. 
This is where I have been applying what I am learning and giving it a chance and crap, it is messy and uncomfortable. I have wanted to avoid being vulnerable because I have to get it right and it’s so scary every time I step outside the box. I have to remember that self-confidence comes from our thoughts not the external projections. This is where I need to reread my information and use the support systems I have in place to take the step forward. I want to be inspired and we all enjoy that, we just need to be able to try to step out of that and actually try.
Third stage: Idleness. 
I am using this because stagnation is so dull. Lol This is where I was like OK, I read all the information, I’m doing the work, I’ve changed my thinking and I’ve changed the way I am behaving. I am feeling disheartened though. I have thoughts that creep up from the past and then I think I am not making progress. I heard this analogy like climbing a mountain and as you hike up, you need to stop at different levels to acclimatize in order to allow your body to adjust and sometimes you have to go back down and back up. How long each of us stay in each stage is really our own personal journey.
When I heard that analogy compared to personal growth like how it’s like climbing a mountain, it really resonated with me.
There is usually a disorganized middle, and periods of each stage,
explore,
discover,
implement,
reassess.
Growth Mindset is allowing yourself to step outside the traditional path and find the journey that resonates with you. It’s up to us to create different things to look forward to. We are in control of our story. Consistency, and always trying.
If we don’t try then we can’t get it wrong right? I mean if I was to get it wrong I might be judged and the Id feel embarrassed and I really just want to avoid all that.
As I am moving into this implementation stage, I am allowing myself be OK with the different stages. I have learned from the past, and that is a good thing. When I find myself in the idle phase I am asking myself, am I scared of what I might learn if I start putting forward what I am learning? Am I scared life won’t improve as much as I hoped? Am I scared I am actually going backwards? What if? Am I scared of making mistakes?
I am now going to try and acknowledge and accept what stage I am in and put in the effort. Stage 2. 
Now, moving forward, I want to say I really am trying to fix the contact me or follow me link on this blog. I am finding this stage a challenge and there has been times I wanted to throw in the towel. I remind myself to stay calm and keep trying.
Thanks to all of you who read to this point and you may need to re-subscribe every few visits if you are noticing that you are not getting notified.
Remember to like and follow me on my other social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest. This week, I should have my contact page up and running more smoothly and you will be able to subscribe so you won’t miss any new content going up.
Stay real, cheer for now. K
