Hi guys, so recently I posted a question on my Facebook about communication.
Here’s a pondering question. How would you describe good/effective communication?
At our staff meeting, my co-worker introduced a short presentation, introducing communication. I didn’t ask permission and so she will remain nameless at the moment. She is a speech and language pathologist and kids love her. Anyway, total sidebar, we as staff, we are trying to teach kids every day and our school is amazing in how we have come together to achieve the same goals. Connection, Compassion, Community and COMMUNICATION.
This sparked something, because I love to communicate. I am not always effective at it and I am still growing through practice. Since clarity is paramount, having facts verses assumptions, and being real about what your surrounding environment brings to your life, honesty and self-awareness, helps with communication.
A sender sends a message…
a message travels…. a receiver receives message
I.E. Can you send me that black thingy over there…..? lol
Uhm…?
That might not be verbatim however, I think it’s a very close example. Effective communication really is, having another person understand your intended message.
Can you bring me the black folder on the desk right beside you?
Here are some examples of what is communication and why do we? of course there are many different ways, these are just some main ideas.
*to get your needs met
*creates meaning
*to share
*to understand
*to participate 
*to connect
*to plan
*to help with recollection
For the sake of this post, I am going to use an example of mine.
For years now I have hosted International students. High school, boys, as both my boys were reaching that teen age time and I thought it would be great to have an older boy around etc. Plus of course there was a bit financial help as well so this made the decision easier.
However…
I never hosted someone from another culture before. It’s one thing to visit another culture and have fantastic interactions with other people from other cultures, then when living with someone from another culture and that has a language barrier to boot.
So…Communication is “key” we say.
Key to what exactly? Unless someone knows how and or is willing to make the changes, communication will be misconstrued. When I first started hosting students, I had never even parented a teenager, a boy no less. So the realization that teen hood is a thing and they do go through the thing, teaching a teenager from another culture how to communicate the way you understand and teaching yourself to be very clear and concise about what message you want to convey.
Most of the boys have cell phones and we pass phone numbers at the beginning of their arrival. We go over what a day may look like in our world. My first student almost 8 years ago, was from West Africa, and We loved him. He was a beautiful soul. The boys took to him right away as well. Now, I thought he knew how to be in a kitchen, or use the stove, or microwave or washing machine. I assumed he knew how to ride a bike. He was an active boy, well groomed, coming here for a whole school year.
Nope! 
“Squirrel !”
The first indication to me would have been the dropping of the bike in the middle of the street then going into the house.
The second indication would have been the kettle on the stove but then the person who put the kettle on went downstairs to watch a movie. I notice blue smoke coming from my kitchen window and run up to see my kettle melted to the element red hot.
The third indication would have been the black scrap marks in my microwave I still have them, lol, because we left tinfoil on something to heat it up.
And lastly for the sake of this post, when I opened the drier, the clothes literally spewed out the shape of the drier and inside were towels, winter coat and underwear all mixed together. Lost a washing machine that year.
So through this learning, I realized that I can’t just assume he could read my mind. He had no idea. When I asked questions about him and his life, he was able to communicate how a day looked for him. It was truly incredible and very interesting. I was then able to understand him better and it was easier to walk him through our culture and show him, and talk to him clearly. I was lucky too because he was very mature in many ways, life and street awareness, and so he listened as well.
I still go through this with my International kids. Not so much my boys as they now understand communication keeps mom happy. I need to ask one question at a time and wait for a response so I can see if they actually understood what it was I was asking.
“Kellie can I go out with friends tonight?” (It’s about 3:30 PM, like after school)
reply: “Sure with whom, where and what time where you planning to come home?”
“Just to the marina with friends from School?”
I slow it down here, 
“what friends from School?”
reply: “Alonzo, Fred, and Lisa”
I take a breath, “Please send parent contact info from at least one of those kids.”
…there’s a long delay…..
Responce: “So can I go?“
OMG! 
MY reply is simply and final.
“Once I have a number of one of your new friends and a time you are coming home. Curfew is 10 PM and you can’t tell me you are at the marina for 7 hours so please reply with the appropriate answer.
Where?
Name and Number of parent of one of those friends
Time?” (This is all in one text)
Another long delay,
Finally I might get the answer I need. If I try to call, those boys don’t answer. Sometimes their accent is challenging to understand, and I tend to talk fast so that can be also difficult to understand. So… I try to be reasonable.
How do you teach effective communication skills?
No…. like, actually? …lol…sigh
So over the years I have been practicing to be clearer in my communication. Trying to not overgeneralize and ask for clarity if message received is misunderstood. Be patient…….owning my own stuff.
Hence why communication clarity is essential. We are sending messages and it’s how the message is received. It’s our thoughts that interpret what we think the message means and how we are going to respond. It’s our thoughts that we have control of.
I find that because I have a strong self-awareness, I can look back on my actions easier. The brain is an amazing organ.
We are our thoughts. 
So because I am really trying to live a positive life, it is difficult when I find I myself in a slump and my negative self creeps in. When that happens I tend to communicate differently and messages often gets misconstrued. which can cause a domino effect.
There is so much information on communication out there and for me this is just the beginning. Let’s keep practicing and practicing with me. Growth Mindset.
This is a hot topic for me, and love diving into how our thoughts become our character. How to stay positive without sounding fake. I can say I had an experience about being called fake once and maybe Ill blog it next. It was a huge communication exercise. Anyway, remember to like my Facebook page and follow me on Twitter and I upload videos and snapshots of my day for your interest on Instagram. Stay real, until later, cheers!
