ok, Seriously!?

So this happened…(photo will be uploaded soon)

Have you ever been there? You wake up just before the alarm, but look at the clock and its 30 min past the alarm so you jump up, in a panic, groggy but up, and you turn the light on and quickly take another look at the clock, only to notice that the time is actually 10 min before the alarm is to go off. You realize, that in your groggy stupor, you glanced at the clock and the second hand got in the way of telling the real time. You stumble back to bed, thinking well I have time, only to feel like shit because you can’t fall asleep. so, you get up. Now rushing a bit as you get ready for work. You hop in the car only to have forgotten your coffee to go, but think, oh well, and carry on. The day continues and with many misunderstandings making me think I’m not as articulate as I thought, throughout the day at work, for whatever reason, (I felt exhausted after) until finally you are going home. You check in with everyone in your family at home and think oh yay I have dinner planned, yay me, go to your freezer to grab frozen meat to find out that the freezer has been defrosted. Not planned though.

Yup, that is what happen to me! now everything in the freezer has been defrosted at first glance, there is water in the bottom and water leaking out the bottom and on the floor and I literally lost my sh**!. I was in tears, after just a weird vibe and negative energy all around most of the day, I was so relieved to come home. So after I saw the defrost, I was swearing and yelling at myself and my misfortune. The boys, all so kind and wanting to help, i’m telling them I just needed to be left alone. My one brilliant child says, breathe mom, might not be so bad…and all I could think about at that moment was, f**k, like seriously!. I had to empty everything, in the freezer, all most of it sitting in defrosted juices. The mess, the fruit, blackberries and blueberries all defrosted and their juice melting with ice bags that are now defrosting. I was mad at myself for not noticing that the breaker had tripped and that the freezers were off. I felt loss, and financial loss because I would have to replace everything if it all was ruined. I went to the resentment of this house because its old and needs an electrical upgrade, but really right now that is just not in my schedule. I felt frustrated that no one else noticed even though they got things out of the freezer. I was just angry. I felt deflated, and sad at that moment. i work so hard, blah blah blah.

Once everything was cleared up, honestly, I got rid of a lot of old frozen stuff we weren’t using. I didn’t want to throw it out so I had saved stuff. The freezers looked great.  I then proceeded to cook 4 days worth of meat. The rest was still frozen as it was very far down in the freezer and so surrounded still by ice, luckily. My son was right. I reacted before really knowing. I was worried because I seem to be fixing and repairing all the time. The expense is real. I also was reacting to myself, and I didn’t want to accept that this was actually happening at that moment. I felt resentment.

The thing is, I over reacted. I was very mad, and now looking back, it wasn’t anyone’s fault and even if i knew who was the last person to be in the freezer and why didn’t they notice etc… like seriously., what good does that do and does it solve the problem? No! I was mad because I didn’t have a choice. I had to clean it up and really? So what! I mean, honestly after I did it I was happy I got to throw out all the bits and pieces of frozen crap I was saving and now the freezers look better than ever.

In the end, a negative turned into a positive. I’m learning to be aware of my actions. I catch what I am doing and then if I am not able to yet control it, I am aware enough that I can let others around me know what is happening so they can be supportive and stay out of harms way. Once I have calmed down and am able to process whatever happened, I may then begin to be more rational.That’s it, lol. Peace out!