It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop!
I love that quote because it is something I say to myself regularly. When those feelings of overwhelm creep in and I find myself loosing focus and want to give up, I say to myself, Kellie stay focused, come on, big breath. Then my next phrases that follow are; you’ve got this, keep going, just a bit every day.
In school as an educational assistant, we are told or its suggested that when praising a child we don’t just say “good job!” or “that’s perfect!” , rather be more specific and praise something you see they have taken pride in.
Empowerment
The same goes for empowerment. What does it mean to feel empowered or get empowerment? Empowerment means something different to everyone because what empowers each of us individually is different. What is a ‘good job’ means something different to everyone, what is ‘perfect’ is different for everyone as in the eyes of the beholder and when we use generic terms like these the meanings can get blurred and feel non authentic.
Unhealthy verses Healthy Perfectionism
Perfectionism for me has been maladaptive for many many years. This is when I thought I had to have perfect expectations and if I didn’t live up to them I would find ways to tell myself that I was a failure or that I couldn’t do something so I didn’t.
Adaptive perfectionism is when I can allow myself to be more intentional with my goals and have achievable expectations. Allow myself some slack if I don’t actually meet those expectations in the same way I originally thought.
So what is the difference between maladaptive verses adaptive perfectionism?
Maladaptive is when you are hard on yourself because you don’t do something to your high standards and are negatively responding or giving up.
Adaptive is when you are able to allow yourself flexibility in what happens next and less hard on yourself. without failure you cannot learn to be successful.
Perfectionism is out there. There are many articles and information telling you about the 3 different areas of perfectionists and 2 different personalities and you can’t achieve 100% perfection 100% of the time, and, and, and.
Down to the wire. Do not say.
I think that if we continue to strive for perfection thinking then and only then will we be accepted and appreciated then in reality we are holding our value from the world. We have to know where we want to go and be willing to let go of perfectionism before we can even start.
Our empowerment is to let go of perfectionism and not let our fear tell us we are being judged and not good enough.
Because perfectionism is a trait we can retrain our brains to think differently. Yes it does require work, and practice, yet very doable.
Top 3 things to start
The 1st thing I am practicing is not to let everyone’s advice overwhelm me. I read all the same information written different ways all the time. I say to myself, well there must be something to this advice as it is constant and consistent and backed by science.
The 2nd thing is to practice self compassion. I still find myself attacking my self and my worth based on productivity and so as I learn to say no more and block off time for myself I am starting to like how I feel. It is becoming easier to have self care because I enjoy it so much.
The 3rd thing is to attempt one strategy at a time. When I am starting to feel comfortable with my ability to access the strategy, I find others. Sometimes heading to the beach on a moments notice is not possible, so good to have a back up de-stressor.
Always do your best
We have to remember that doing your best is not the same as perfectionism. always try your best. Just cut yourself some slack when you think you haven’t done whatever, perfectly. Where someone is not able to fix cars the other is someone who can, where someone is not able to cook well, there is someone who can. Your personal talents come with your personal ability and we have to tell ourselves that we cannot please everyone so lets start with ourselves because we matter.
I empower you to continue to be positive, and you may need to tell yourself; have courage and always try, or be positive, have courage and never give up. Why? because telling ourselves these mantras remind our brains to remain focused and this in turn can help us stay motivated. You change the thought you change the behavior.
Leave me a comment below on how you stay positive and motivated. What empowers you to move forward?
