Let’s start with the picture above. Take a close look and think about it.
Keep Thinking…..
More Thinking….
Now Look Closer….
How do you feel about the illusion?
What do you think it is?
How do you feel that this illusion is going to teach you something?
Let’s identify assumptions
- Assumptions are made when you think you have all the information.
IE. I went to the store and because I heard they were having a sale. I get there and there is no sale. I asked “I heard you are having a sale. When does it start?” The sign says, “I will be back at 10:00.” - Assumptions are made when we accept the information as fact or appropriate.
It is not OK for men to cry or show emotion in public. - Assumptions are made when we fill in the blank areas of information because you do not have clarity.
My husband says I don’t work enough after I told him I paid all the bills, and I assume he’s mad at me because I am not working. - You yourself have biases and when we don’t take them into account it will distort the information.
When someone of another ethnicity doesn’t speak English.
Children from single parent homes are usually in trouble. - Assumptions are made when we reject the information.
- Assumptions are made when we perceive situations and other inadequately or misguided.
Someone wearing ripped jeans and we assume they are poor, or when a child throws a tantrum in a store, and we assume they are not good parents or that the child must be always hard to handle.
Here are a couple more examples of some assumptions we tend to make are:
1. Your boyfriend/husband/wife doesn’t call immediately after landing from a work trip and you assume he found someone else.
2. You don’t get the job after applying 3 times so you assume you aren’t worth hiring.
3. I had an argument with my best friend and I’m still ticked.
4. When I was criticized at my work last week, I felt so anxious and thought I failed.
well?
In these statements, we put forward how the situation caused us to have emotional stress.
In each example though how we feel about the situation and how we actually view the situation, will determine how you think about the situation.
So changing how you think about the situation will then change your emotional reaction.
I find that I make assumptions all the time. In some ways they are what I like to call, universal assumptions. or the automatic thoughts.
The sun is shining, so I am assuming that it will be warmer out.
I believe though, I learned my baseline assumptions through my parents. They taught me their beliefs and so with that I took on certain ways they thought until I recognized there were different ways to think.
As a child I did not question myself. It wasn’t until my marriage started falling apart that I looked inward and asked those questions.
Is that (whatever) how a marriage is supposed to work?
Is that (whatever) what we are supposed to do?
I found that I didn’t have many choices to compare with in regards to my own relationships, so therefore, made assumptions based on my upbringing and how my relationships should be.
To have the ability to ask yourself:
What was I thinking when I felt anxious and upset?
How assumptions create negative thinking
Learning how to be self aware can help you understand reasons for your emotions why they are exploding during an upsetting situation.
When we keep making assumptions we think we have all the information. We fill in the blanks instead of inquiring and others then do not feel heard. When we don’t trust ourselves to inquiry the spaces we filled with our own beliefs can create negative thinking.
Black and white thinking and self doubt along with assumptions is usually a way to self sabotage.
Watch your thoughts;
they become words.
Watch your words;
they become actions.
Watch your actions;
they become habits.
Watch your habits;
they become character;
for it becomes your
destiny.
~Upanishads
Perfectionists think they have to be a certain way and if they aren’t then they have failed or self doubt or self sabotage. As a recovering perfectionist I have learned a couple of great ways to question my assumptions.
- Let go!
Projecting the future and making assumptions about it, is like waiting for the tsunami to hit. You can only be true to yourself. Authentic to you. You have absolutely no control over what other think or how they feel. - Ask yourself questions in the moment,
I say use all the 5 w h questions, what, where, when, why, who and how
What do I know about this to be true?
How can I change this thought?
Where are the facts to say this thought is not true? - Practice
I find that I need to call on myself to practice and practice all the time. I need to be aware of my automatic thoughts. I tried writing them down for a whole 2 weeks once and then went back and reread them. I was surprised at how much I could identify where I needed to make change.
In the end making assumptions, only hurts you and the people around you. Keeps you in the feeling of awfulness and so making an ass out of you or me is not the way to go.
I will try and get resources on here for you all to read when I get a chance. Thanks for reading,
In the meantime, stay real, stay positive and never give up. 🙂
