Well, I thought since I am constantly blogging about how to change the way you think and how your mindset can change your thinking which can change your outcome, I thought why not talk about what has been the best parts of my growth.
As I have learned through the years, in order to have growth, one needs to have self awareness first. My first bout of self awareness, authentically, came in 1998 when I was seeing a psychologist/councilor for my eating disorder. She said to me, “I think you enjoy it. I think you get attention and it is what you seek.”
I walked out.
After years of seeing councilors and who were trying to change the way I thought, nothing changed the way I thought. I really didn’t have self awareness. I was and still am, intuitive and have great compassion and empathy for others. Yet, there was something in the way I was thinking, that always held and still at times holds, me back from taking that risk.
When I got married, I adopted a step son. He was 18 at the time and I didn’t know much about him. Even after I learned he was a part of the equation, I knew nothing of parenting and I was still in the “me thinking” mode. I didn’t ask about him much. I of course was so naive and really, my thinking was very inexperienced. However, once I met him, I felt connected to him.
I realized so much about myself and also the major differences in parenting opinions, with-in my marriage
Thats when the self awareness began.
Then I had my first son. I was so excited, but so scared. I felt so inexperienced and it was such a trying time for me emotionally.
To enjoy the whole pregnancy was a challenge for me, but then… he was born.
OMG! I burst into tears and, his arrival was…sigh…empowering. So much love. I am crying thinking about it.
Now parenting was a whole new challenge.
I was so engrossed in trying to learn new ideas and tips that I read and listened to everybody. I tried everything everyone was telling me. We had no Internet really, well dial up, lol. So my contacts were groups and outings and the phone.
Yet
Where were my own opinions? Why was I not doing what I wanted to? What felt right?
A couple years later, I got pregnant again. This time totally unexpected, however once we came to terms with the idea of having another child, it was a new beginning. Or so I thought.
When my sons were 4 and 2, I was going through a very tough time emotionally and in my marriage. Being around many new moms, different children, going to the schools and day programs, I was learning a lot. Not only about parenting but about myself.
And then the thoughts and questions started. Where are my own opinions? Am I going to start doing what’s right for me?
Now I would love to just tell you many stories about things that happened through parenting, some I know I can and will,
some I have to talk to my boys first as its their story to tell. For now, I am very grateful for the gift they brought me.
THEMSELVES
And for me personally
Self discipline ~
Being a new parent is one thing, being an unsupported parent another, being a single unsupported parent a whole new ball game. As the boys grew and developed, I was learning and developing with them. Each challenge they presented me with, was an opportunity to test what I knew and what I believed in. Every time I was successful I grew confidence, when I was unsuccessful, it pushed me to take risks to be successful and that is sometimes doing things that make one uncomfortable.
Being more self aware ~
Since the boys were born, I have had to think about them and less about myself. I mean I understand that we definitely need to take care of ourselves in order to be present for others. I found that when I would try new ideas of parenting and they didn’t work, I had to look within to see the “why”.
I mean being able to see yourself from the outside and recognize your feelings, realize your thoughts and then be aware of how it causes your actions, can be a challenge. When I started to understand myself better I was able to recognize that there were things I was good at and there were things I was not. I had to learn to be a self advocate and think about how to make things work for me and the boys in a healthier way.
more conscious about health ~
I of course as a new mother and now more experinced mom, yet each stage still new. I want my boys to be healthier and so I followed the idea of sports, shared different activities I liked to do as a kid and young adult, and be flexible around picky eating. Not everyone likes the same stuff as me. Again self awareness comes into play.
having courage to be strong ~
When we become parents we think about how difficult situations become a strategy for patience. Wanting my kids to not make the exact mistakes I made yet realzing they need to make mistaes to grow.
being a better communicator and playing ~
Where I grew up, there was not a lot of kids around. I was around many adults growing up and I was an only child so needed to keep myself busy and I also had to be creative. After i had kids, I learned to enjoy hanging out with them. Every stage had its ups and downs and still do. Yet in our busy lives, I found many adults forgot how to play. My boys helped me laugh and feed my imagination. It helps with my connection to others and keep me young. It also helped me with problem solving, relieve stress and remember to be grateful for all I have.
My communication skills have improved ten fold and I learned to have more trust, not only for my kids but also with others and my parenting skills.
money management ~
of course we want to achieve things, buy things, and manage things. As a person who was good with money, I didn’t think I would struggle. yet learning to be a thriftier consumer and watch what I bought. I had to have a credit rating and learn how to save more regularly. If anything ever happened to me, what would happen to the boys? In order to help them, and be safe for them, have shelter, food, and clothes.
forward thinking ~
OMG – this is one of the most important things I have learned. The boys are growing and the world is changing, so being progressive is vitally important. In order to have growth mindset, I need to educate myself. This lets me educate my boys. The best part is, the boys are now educating me and reminding me of my own teaching. That helps me also know that the boys are developing their own self awareness. I want them to be independent and learn to move towards having kindness, compassionate and realize the importance of being connected.
So overall, having children is a personal choice. I had them and it has helped me grow. It certainly doesn’t mean that growth can’t happen without children. I am just saying how grateful I am that my boys have helped me grow.
In the meantime, stay real, stay positive and always show up.
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