So people, I am sure you have all been here before or you wouldn’t be trying to read this post. I have spent the last year and half trying to figure out what my problem is and why I am finding it challenging to get off my ars and do something that I want to do but don’t know how to do.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is often misunderstood. In the past I mean there are both positives and negatives to the trait. I found that often it was used as an excuse. “Oh, you’re just a perfectionist” people would say as if this was a reason to not do something and/or an excuse for what went wrong in the moment.
I also associated it with success and excellence as if those two things defined me. As an imperfect perfectionist I have come to realize it can be a double edged sword. My fear of failure, self criticism and unrealistic expectations have held me back for far to long and now through my experiences and personal growth thus far I have learned new ways of overcoming these challenges and embracing a more authenic and fulfilling life.
So have you ever noticed how wanting to do something and doing it are 2 different things?
Well duh, of course. The problem is for me, I want to do things all the time and yet here I am writing a post for the first time in almost 2 years. I mean getting started can often be a challenging task but I know it is cruicial if I want personal growth. What I find the hardest is stepping outside my comfort zone and just going for it, letting it happen.
We need to know that growth only occurs when we push ourselves through the discomfort.
It is hard to hear and accept this sometimes. I mean intelluctually we know that when we do push ourselves we open up to new experiences and opportunites. What I have been practicing is embracing this new mindset so that I continue to see the value in what getting started can do no matter how hard the challenge me feel.
The key aspect of being ok with feeling uncomfortable as we process and face head on any new challenges instead of being afraid can empower you to take that critical first step towards your dreams and goals and not letting yourself get in your own way.
We need to recognize the root: Fear of failure
A key factor that drives perfectionism is the fear of failure.We can become so obsessed by the idea that we make so many mistakes and that somehow we fall short. I had to truely learn to reframe my thinking from failure being a negative to how it can be an opportunity for my growth and self awareness. To be perfect is an illusion and non realistic. Which is another reason I say, we need to step out and embrace uncomfortable and learn from this.
The challenge of Self Critisim
Usually we are our own worst critic.I can honestly say this was definately the case for me. Anytime I made a mistake I would think I wasn’t good enough and that I had failed myself and those around me. I, for years, only knew this one way of thinking. So it wasn’t until i realized that It took awhile and I am still working on it. To realize that thinking this way only enhances the negative cycle and prevents you or I, from growth. We need to practice self compassion and treat ourselves with the same kindness and respect we would treat others. Having that acceptance piece also helps me let go of the unrealistic expectations and focus on what I want and what is right in front of me.
Setting Realistic Expectations and embracing Authenticity
A common downfall for anyone recovering from perfectionism are the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves. it leaves us in a constant state of disappointment and feelings of dispair. OK Dispair might be extreme, it is the idea of those anxiety flip flops in your stomach and heart racing that gets me. I surround myself with people that help remind me of my smallest achievements and I also celebrate my smallest achievements. As I keep learning and educating myself, I am focusing on the process instead of the end result which is ever changing anyway.
Being authentic can be hard as being vulnerable and sharing struggles openly comes with its own issues. I do know though, that by doing so and trying to connect with others experiencing the same struggles I find strength and a renewed focus.
Affirmations and Positive self talk are powerfool tools and strategies
I use affirmations alot.
Let’s be honest though they don’t always work. I have “flipped the bird” on them because in that moment the affirmation was not working. I have a tattoo on my wrist with “acceptance” on it in an infinity wrap. I read it often. When I am going to try something new I find that using these tools help me fight through the self doubt and fear get in the way. I focus on positive statements and repeat things that focus on my strengths and boosts my confidence which in turn boosts my motivation.
A couple popular quotes I use are below.
"You are your thoughts"
"I'm going to make the rest of my life my best life"
"It's never to late to be whoever you want to be"
“fail forward“
“never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about.”
Time is money and money is time, how do we get both? Overcoming Procrastination
I am sure I am not alone in saying that a big obstacle that we face is the idea of not having enough money or not enough time. I know that is one factor that I use as an excuse to not move forward. What is frustrating is, its hard. lol and I just finished saying that stepping out into your uncomfort zone is how we experience growth.
This perception of not having money or time to move forward can really hinder us. I have to remember and so I am telling you that these limitations are what we put on ourselves. If we can find ways to break down our goals into smaller managable tasks and steps then how we delegate our time can be much more effective.
Finding different ways to be creative and finding different ways to accomplish our dreams and goals are imperative to finding the freedom we all seek as well as, overcoming the finaical barriors we set up for ourselves. When we experience fear of not meeting our own high standards that can lead to the avoidance and progress no matter how small, is still progress.
While getting started is challenging, it is something we really need to embrace in order to have growth. If we understand our limitations and know our hurdles and sit with the discomfort we can overcome anything and continue to move towards our dreams and success. The first step is always the hardest. The first step though, sets us up towards achieving our goals and having continuous growth and self improvement.
Being an imperfect perfectionist is a journey of self discovery and personal growth. When we finally recognize and address the root causes of perfectionism we can learn to overcome self critisim overcome procastination, set realistic goals and expectaitons. Remember that progress and the first step is way more valuable than perfection and being authentic allows us to live a more fulfilling life.
Follow me on Instagram and Facebook and check out my stories as I beat perfectionism and share how I do it along the way, Join me in taking those first steps.
