Wholly Crap! It has been 6 months since I posted. I have been procrastinating like crazy and also letting my lack of knowledge and fear of failure get in the way. Anyone else do this? What is it then, do recovering perfectionists need?
A big excuse!!!!
I have lots actually, and I have spent the last 6 months reevaluating which ones, excuses I mean, are the ones I want to use.
The top 3 excuses are,
1. menopause and all the symptoms and challenges it brings
2. finding time to create more time to learn what I need to and frustration with my lack of knowledge
3. complete writers block, imposter syndrome at its fullest and overwhelm creeping in. (ok that was more than 3. I just categorized :{)
Lets just take a quick look at Menopause for starters.
I started going through perimenopause at 48. I would get hot flashes and although sleep has always been a challenge for me, insomnia started to get even worse. And lets not forget the weight gain. I realize these are not everyone’s symptoms but they sure were for me.
Mood changes were what made me look into Menopause more seriously and see what changes I had to make mentally and physically to see results.
I think many of us have faced depression at one point or another. The mood swings are the most intense during this transition. Sometimes I think I am loosing my mind and don’t even recognize who I am. I have read that many women suffer with this and if we have had any past related depression challenges, during menopause, it is heightened. Of course this also usually during a time where we are at the age of midlife and that is when all the other stressors of adulthood come to a head.
For the past 2 years I have been just dealing with the symptoms and telling myself it is just something I need to deal with. Honestly though, I heard on this fantastic podcast Hit Play Not Pause with Feisty menopause. You can listen on multiple providers such as, Spotify, on demand, Sound Cloud, Amazon Music and Apple. There you will find many likeminded going through menopause and doctors with helpful advice and information.
Setting goals are one task, and implementing them are another.
I don’t know about you but I am the type of person who believes that if you can dream about what makes you happy then you can at least attempt to make it happen. Creating time seems so hard.
I used to follow others because I didn’t have the confidence to make the decision on my own. Afraid it was the wrong decision. I felt myself inferior to others because I had no knowledge. When seeking out knowledge, I was so naïve and so gullible that others would tell me untruth, so my trust in others was fragile.
I am constantly trying to balance the need to work and the need to have time off. I find that when I finally have the time off I struggle with the what I want to do and the need. Then I block off time for each need, and the lack of knowledge eats up time.
The feeling of frustration that trying to learn something I know nothing about and the sheer amount of time it takes to learn has me thinking about how much time I wasted as I am no further ahead then I was when I started.
I started to reevaluate my goals.
I needed to ask myself: What do I need to be happy?
I mean to be happy is different for everyone right? I love gardening and going to the beach, while my girlfriend prefers to go out for dinner and then dancing. Both are valid, just both are different.
One has to start something to feel motivated not wait to be motivated to start something.
Mark Manson’s “Do something Project” is so true. The link I posted is though Better Ideas, which is another great resource for inspiration and motivation.
I like to do a pros and cons list about things that bring me happiness, motivation and purpose. I always tell my boys to start within their bubble and then expand outwards in stages they feel comfortable with. You want to wake up with a feeling of gratitude and purpose. A reason to move forward with your day. Here is an example of part of my list.
PROS
days off, compliments, sunny days, the beach, long drives, no alarm clock, optimism, walks in the park.
CONS
fear of failure, my body perception, being taken advantage of, negativity, shame, financial stress
Here’s the thing though. I say I do make the list and I do the work, I just find myself in the needing to do something to feel inspired stage and so because it has been so long since I have posted that think and wonder, how do I get back that motivation.
That is the Imposter Syndrome feeling.
Is it a real thing? Yup
Imposter Syndrome is where we think we are fooling others or “think we are a fraud” and hold onto a belief that we are inadequate or a failure of sort.
So what to do when all of this is spiraling and you feel overwhelmed and do not know where to start? You start.
With one thing you like to to do. As in the Do something project, we do things everyday that make us feel better in some sort of way. We now need to consciously make a decision to start something else in order to have inspiration spiral instead of the non motivation.
Now don’t get me wrong. I know we all get that self doubt and fear of trying something new in our minds. The thing to do is find that one thing. That one strategy that pushes you enough to start. For me it might be just acceptance that its late and it is better to just start a little and then continue as inspiration occurs. I like to ask myself, what is one quick thing to get started so the progress is felt and then change my thinking to be about ‘what project will I allow myself to get started that might take longer’
Another strategy I use, is to try and find one thing that is easy to accomplish and is satisfying, one thing that makes me happy, and then tackle one thing new (whether it be hard or not).
There is no exact diagnoses about whether you have imposter syndrome or not. If your confidence is low and you have pervasive self doubt, no belief that you are capable of accomplishing something and need validation all the time to dictate your level of success, you are probably experiencing a dose of Imposter Syndrome. Read more about Imposter Syndrome here.
If you get anything from this post that helps you move forward or even prompts you to investigate further then I am happy. Please follow me or subscribe and then you will get informed every time there is a new post. In the meantime, stay positive, have courage and never give up!
