So wow…hi.
I missed my own personal posting deadline twice now and even my last post I must go back into it to update pictures. Now I have some interesting thinking going after work today. I have not always known that I am a perfectionist. Or lets say, I’ve known but hadn’t named it.
So yes I am a recovering perfectionist. 
I know, I know,
As I now named it, and I have been actively working on remaining calm, and trying to figure out what influences me etc. however, now that I have named it, the work I am doing on myself is actually progressive.
Here’s my example,
I am the type of person who tries to do her job, yet, have worried a lot in the past about how my performance is. I know now, at 50 years of age, that it means that as long as I am doing things with kindness and to the best of my ability and the best interests of others and myself at heart, then I am doing just fine. My performance does not really need validation, at that point.
A comment EVEN in the kindest way such as,
‘you’re a worrier because you want to be good at your job and so you need to just breath and be calm’ in the past, would have been heard as,‘I am a worrier and that is not a good thing and OMG, am I not calm?, etc.
I would also think… hmm, I thought I was being calm and so for someone to point out that I just need to be calm, would influence me. I would feel disappointment because I was actually calm for me. The important thing to remember though, is just because this person said something, doesn’t mean they think I am not calm. It was just a statement and observation and one person.
When I was a teenager, I had a very low self esteem. I did not have any self-awareness and of young people my own age. Another story, later. I didn’t always know what I was feeling and why. Where were the tears coming from? Why do I feel bad about myself?
As I grew older, I started to feel more confident, because I was proud of what I was achieving. Then I got married.
Now that statement sounds terrible, and I wanted to get married and I do have many, many, good memories,
yet I became very unhappy.
It was not until I left that situation and developed more self-awareness, that I could remember positive feelings. That’s where children in the elementary schools have helped me stay real and authentic, ten fold.
Children allow me to access a part of my personality that can relate to hard learning and to an innocence that we so lack as adults. My current environment in my career, provides me to be surrounded by kids who are honest.
And honestly, it has been humbling and has also given me a great big douse of humility.
I still work on confidence every day. To feel confident I still need to consciously say, sigh, ‘I’ve got this, deep breath, whew, I’ve got this. Common… shake it. Big breath.
Now though, I can say, yes I know, I am so working on practicing mindfulness. I’m being taught that every day here at the school.
Here’s another example,
A beautiful compliment,
‘you’ve got this girl. You’ve got the skills. You have all the extras and so just do you. Go with it.’
I hear the information, think, yes, she is right. I do. ~Then I think what am I looking for? ~Validation? ~Why do I need to talk about it? ~Is it annoying her? She wants me to trust my gut, am I coming across like I don’t? Which I know now is silly, and even if it was true,
so what!
Instead
I now process the information and catch my feelings and step back. Like I’m doing right now by sharing with you what I’m thinking. I think what the heck, why does this type of thinking take place? It can be so frustrating.
This is ongoing. I am constantly working on having self-awareness about what is happening internally for myself. I realize that my past experiences are what evolved me into who I am and so, to keep evolving, I need to keep having and trying new experiences.
To change my thinking, I need to keep being conscious of the information I am hearing and realize the meaning of the words and what the intent is in which they were said.
What do you do to help build your confidence?
1. What do you do to keep negative thoughts at bay?
2. What do you do when you feel you need validation for things you know you know?
3. How do you keep moving forward and progressive thinking?
I am curious and anyone reading my blog will know that changing thought patterns is not easy and takes practice, practice, practice.
Please do not be shy and leave me your comments below. I will do my best to reply and want to hear what others do. More ideas, more ways to practice. In the meantime, please like my Facebook page and stay real, stay positive and never give up.
