Well, I am sure many of you have thought about your life and contemplated decisions. I have found many times when I make a decision and then think about the decision I made for a long time afterwards, I start wondering if it was the right decision. I mean seriously, why can’t the decision just get made with confidence and be done?
Do you ever question yourself when someone you know gives you feedback?
Here’s An Example of being self aware
A few weeks ago when my son and I were in the car together, I had brought up a topic and afterwards, he got really quiet. I asked him if he was bothered by what I had brought up and he said, I just wish we would talk about happier stuff. We always seem to talk about sad depressing stuff and now my day feels ruined.
REALLY?
I always prided on the talks we engaged in, when we were in the car together. You can imagine my surprise when I realized I was wrong, and had absolutely no idea that he thought that way. My initial response was defensive, mostly because I didn’t want to be the cause of his day being ruined. I also truly thought our conversations always went so well, so I felt disappointed that I was wrong.
Disappointed or Failure?
I want to point out that the tough part of feeling disappointed is, the subconscious thinking that you are a failure. Which is where my head went first. I thought, oh no, what a bummer I became and what mom does that? Ruins her sons day. I really had to stop myself and just say, ok, I won’t bring up those topics when we start our day. Thank you son for the feedback.
EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL AWARENESS
This also brings me to the awareness of others. It is one thing to be self aware, and another to be externally aware. In my other job as an educational assistant, I work with students with different challenges, and I definitely need to be aware of how my behaviour affects them. This has allowed me to practice and adjust myself as I learn the profound impact my actions can have on someone else.
We cannot always know how others feel unless they tell us. We cannot know what people are thinking, unless they tell us. We can however, read cues, body language, tone of voice, and how those around you change their behaviour.
DON’T SELF SABATOGE
When we are ‘thoughtfully reflective‘, we tend to be negative thinking. However, when we can be self aware, the negative thinking is questioned, especially while we are trying to understand our thoughts, actions and behaviour and how it might effect others externally and internally.
With my son, I listened and even though I started out being defensive, I soon was able to bring it back. I acknowledged his feelings and his view, and then looked within. I realized that the topics I had picked were about things gone wrong or some other negative thing. Perhaps not ALWAYS as he perceived it, however, enough that he remembered it. I try now to make a point of being conscious about what topics I bring up and when.
TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF
We are often really hard on ourselves when we get negative feedback. No one likes to be criticized and it can even be tougher if we have been thinking that we have been trying and then all of a sudden realize that it wasn’t received the way we thought.
I am learning to practice what I preach. I find it difficult when I have to wear so many hats and tend to be hard on myself if I don’t get the lawn mowed because I am blogging or didn’t plan for dinner and decided I might make waffles instead. I am always telling my boys to do one thing that makes them happy at least once a day. Now I must learn to do the same thing. I want to walk the beach every day, and sometimes that can’t be done so I walk the beach twice a week and visit it, once a day. I meditate and practice being calm.
WHAT INSTEAD OF WHY
So here lies the question. Honestly it starts with the WHY. I have been trying to ask myself WHAT instead of WHY. The reason I say this is because when I ask myself why instead, I am really questioning my feelings and placing doubt in the decisions I am trying to make or have made. I am usually wrong about my feelings and so by asking myself WHAT is the cause instead of WHY, I am digging deeper into what is causing me to doubt my decision in the first place.
When you are wondering about the feelings you have at work, instead of asking yourself why do I feel bad, ask what might be going on that would cause those feelings.
Practicing to be self aware can be done. Change the format. Ask the right questions. Look deeper inside yourself.
I could write more now, but I will stop here. More on this topic coming up, in the meantime, stay real, stay positive, have courage and be kind.
