The past few months, I have generally just written about generalized feelings about my relationship with time, feelings of overwhelm and how I am trying to move my mind into a growth mindset and stay in a positive light.
Smiles brings more smiles.
This week, I wanted to start talking about anxiety. 
I read; 1 in 5 Canadians experiences a mental illness or addiction problem. And by the time Canadians reach 4o years of age, 1 in 2 have- or have had -a mental illness. (1) to read more click here
I can’t even remember exactly when I realized that I suffer from anxiety I believe there are so many signs that in the past to present I did not know how to recognize that were reasons for or causes for my anxiety, or that it was anxiety.
I am the type of person that usually has a ton of energy and I smile a lot when in the right environment. Since I grew up in a resort/tourism type, in the summer months I was constantly in the public eye and needing to be friendly and hard working all the time, as the resort was a family business. Many wonderful people and experiences and that lifestyle, I will never forget, and those experiences have formed me to be the person I am today.
It is not the experience however, that can go without faults. I do not want to write about faults and do the whole blame game shame stuff. I brought my background up because it is relative to me and to the roots of my anxiety and what they relate to. I am learning about my anxiety more every day. How I also know when I feel myself unmotivated without positivity and that place of f**k it!
I found myself having these symptoms in various degrees lasting from 1 day to 1 month or years and not realizing that maybe these are related to anxiety and the feelings of overwhelm.
My 8 Common Symptoms
- Difficulty sleeping – I have terrible sleep patterns, which I know I can change, and there is a piece in this where I need to find a balance.
- 2. Feeling on the brink and worrying about things ridiculously more then necessary, which increased my heart rate
- 3. Fluttering in the stomach and my throat would feel stiff
- 4. Tired a lot of the time
- 5. Lack of Concentration, out the window
- 6. Clench my jaw, creating headaches,
- 7. Uncomfortable in my body especially with GI issues
- 8. Weakness (which is so not like me AT ALL)
I have mentioned in past posts the challenges I have with sleep and what strategies I am trying to implement these, to get this balanced. When I get irritable and irrational, I totally chalk it up to a lack of sleep. The best part is that I am teaching my boys to communicate, and they call me on my sh*t all the time. This usually brings me to the present and awareness. Sometimes timing is off, and I just get more irrational, however, most of the time it works.
When I go through the period of insomnia, I am way more irrational, and it is tougher to get on track. I want to have people around yet sit by myself. I do not want anybody needing me for anything and I am finding excuses all the time, for being selfish. I find myself expecting my family to know what I want and read my mind. I overthink pretty much everything.
I really envy people who can be happy with their life day by day and they do not allow their emotions to creep in and create a negative narrative for themselves.
That is not me.
I am invested in my life, and though has been positive in the eyes of others, for me, it is not always a positive thing.
So, I say stay real, stay positive every post and it is a mindset I strive to keep.
Let us be real here, when do things go the way we expected? Especially life.
I do not suffer with anxiety on an extreme basis every day. I have grown a self awareness that is so helpful for my growth.
Being able to recognize signs and symptoms of anxiety for me, is a huge awareness. I have a tough time remembering details. Which is why I find blogging great as it also is helpful for me to have a record of my thoughts.
When I feel on the brink or I just crash, this is where I keep thinking I am forgetting something. I worry about those little things and I will forget to do something important. I will analyze the why, and feelings and emotions and thoughts, which usually get me refocused if discussed calmly, otherwise it comes with this heart racing and the fluttery feelings in the stomach.
Practice
It was not until I started going to counselling, that I ended up getting a new way of thinking and being able to diagnose the signs and symptoms I faced, that were related to anxiety. I am still learning every day that there is more to anxiety then just anxiety.
Start by making that list of “likes”
I like to use the positive supports I have in place and for me, it is a core 3 friends.
I like to blog
I like to garden
I like to walk on the beach/sit at the beach
…..more
Showing up everyday and doing at least one thing you like doing everyday, will help decrease those feelings of rush, and calm your mind to be present.
Being afraid of what other people say really does feel like crap, so I hope you and I can work on not telling people what we do not like and stay thinking about things we do like.
I will be talking more about this,
In the meantime, stay real, stay positive and always try.
I appreciate all of you. Remember to follow and/or share this blog. Like and follow my Facebook page and get snapshots of me and my life in Instagram
Sources
1Smetanin et al. (2011). The life and economic impact of major mental illnesses in Canada: 2011-2041. Prepared for the Mental Health Commission of Canada. Toronto: RiskAnalytica.
